Jealousy

Only now am I getting the slightest glance at what I used to mess with. The gossip is too much. I'm afraid of ruining everything... or having it ruined by someone just like how I used to be. I can't believe I used to toy with people's happiness like this. So far so good, but I know how this would turn out if I was the one in the other shoes. Give me hope that there are better people in this world that do value my happiness. They say they do, but I never really did.

Just NO

I am so afraid of becoming a leech. You may not be the best role model, but I just want to be around you. The smallest attention you pay me makes me weak and even the slightest glance makes me feel privileged. I fear bothering you so much that I will avoid conversations until we part because I do not want to ruin anything. Yet I am constantly watching you and seeing what you do. I just want you to think that I am cool too, but I could never be like you. I want to know everything there is about you, but I am not sure I am portraying myself properly to you. I wonder what kind of satisfaction I will get out of your company, but I believe you have all the answers. After all, you know everything worth knowing. You're the big sister I never had, but I still tiptoe in your presence so as not to disturb you.